Tuesday, December 13, 2011

A beggar and his sponsor


A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him RM10 and that continued for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changesd to RM5.

" Well," the beggar thinks, " it's still better than nothing."

A year passed in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly became RM1.

" What's going on now?" the beggar asked his donor. " First you give me RM10 every day, then RM5 and now only RM1. What's the problem?"

" Well," the man said, " last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further ."

" And how many children do you have?" the beggar asked.

" Four," the man replied.

" Well," said the beggar, " I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense"

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

It is a sin to lie


A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group had surrounded a dog, concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray, we all want him, but only one of us can take him home.

So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the Reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed.

He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute.

Just as the Reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

My son but not my daughters


A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Clever people, please answer these difficult questions


What disease did cured ham have?

What's the difference between unique and very unique?

When do you become important enough to be considered assassinated and not just murdered?

Can you cry under water?

Who decided that a round pizza should be put in a square box?

Why did we put a man on the moon before we realized it would be a good idea to make luggage with wheels?

Why are actors IN movies but ON television?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast?

Why does grass grow where you do not want it and not grow where you do?

Why do we say we slept like a baby when they wake up every two hours?

Why do we pay to get to the top of tall buildings, then pay to use binoculars to look at things on the ground?

If a deaf person goes to court, do they call it a hearing?

We say, "It's Greek to me." What do the Greeks say?

Why does Goofy stand upright and Pluto stand on all four feet? They're both dogs.

On Gilligan's Island, the professor could make a radio out of a coconut. Why couldn't he fix the hole in the boat?

If Wile E. Coyote has enough money to buy all that stuff from ACME, why doesn't he just buy himself dinner?

Why does a dog get mad at you if you blow in his face, but then stick his head out the window when you take him for a car ride?

Friday, May 20, 2011

Who is more trustful: wife or mistress


A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior.

When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress.

"She flirt with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported.

The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife.

"She was a real lady," his mistress said.

"How so?" the encouraged man asked.

"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The most beautiful woman in the world


A man decided to change his life and for a start he took up the easiest - drinking. He got so drunk with whisky and his breath had such a foul stench as if a whole herd of mammoths had spent the night in his mouth.

It felt good to be blind drunk, but the time came for him to go home and his wife was quite quick-tempered. She always knew when he was drunk even if he was three blocks away from their house and did not let him in.

This is why the drunken man decided to use his cunning and break in the house. He rang the bell for a long time and an angry voice hissed from within:

"Who is it?"

The man leaned on the door and said tenderly:

"I bring roses for the most beautiful woman in the world."

Upon hearing that his wife was so moved that decided to open the door. She opened it and took a close look at her husband. Imagine her surprise when she saw neither roses, nor hyacinths in his hands.

"Where are the roses for the most beautiful woman in the world, you bastard?," the woman roared.

The man slouched towards her and murmured, "And where is the most beautiful woman in the world?"