Friday, September 10, 2010

Suspicious wife, not so suspicious chauffeur


A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid.

She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.

One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.

Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her...

After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?"

"I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

You take my wife, I take your bar


A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied,

"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

A man named Peter


A minister visited an asylum for the mentally disturbed and was taken on a tour of the facilities by one of the resident doctors.

Walking down the dismal, echoing corridors, the minister was troubled by the cries and groans of the patients coming from their rooms.

"I hope that I can be of some help and comfort to these poor souls," he told the doctor.

The doctor stopped at a door and they looked through the small window. "This is a sad case," said the doctor.

The patient rocked back and forth on her cot, sobbing and sighing. "Peter," she repeated over and over. "Oh, Peter!"

"She was to marry a man named Peter," said the doctor. "And on their wedding day he ran off with another woman. It broke her heart and she went mad."

They moved on to another door and looked in. Inside the patient was bound in a straightjacket, shrieking insanely, "Peter! Peter!"

"Let me guess," said the minister. "She lost Peter also."

"No," answered the man. "She's the one that got him!"

Monday, February 22, 2010

Stupid golf joke


A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"